![]() ![]() What we’re saying is: One Night Only are directly responsible for ‘That’s What Makes You Beautiful’, a 2011 song we’re inclined to erroneously include in this list just in order to give it a kicking. This song isn’t really so bad in of itself – it’s more the fact that it introduced the trend of over-produced pop guff purporting to be massive indie bangers. What’s so bad about it: It’s an ‘80s power ballad dressed up like a mid-noughties indie rock, and ain’t nobody got time for that. One Night Only , ‘Just For Tonight’, 2008 No Spice Girl was better placed to rule the charts than Victoria Beckham. The video is something special too, a mad vision of the future from the mind of someone who put too much faith in the plot for The Matrix. Let’s not neglect how wonderful it was to witness a puffa jacket-wearing Dane Bowers singlehandedly stinking out Posh Spice’s big solo move. What made it so bad : First of all, the world is a better place with ‘Out of Your Mind’ in it. Victoria Beckham, ‘Out Of Your Mind’, 2001 Worst bit : The faux-cockney tone of Luke Concannon’s vocals, as he sings, “ My dad’s totally had a bloody hard day / But he’s been good fun and bubblin and jokin’ away.” Oi oi, guvnor! Tractors and saccharine folk should not mix. Because nobody will stand for this ever again. Nobody’s done it since, and not because folk duo Nizlopi are boundary-pushing innovators. What made it so bad : It’s a song about a tractor, for starters. Worst bit : When she reminisces about how the “only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail.” Banksy rang, he wants his money back. “I was born too late into a world that doesn’t care,” she sings, dreaming of a time “when music really mattered” (vom), “when accountants didn’t have control / And when media couldn’t buy your soul.” ‘Real music’ didn’t win, on this occasion. And on closer inspection, Thom’s debut is a nauseating hark back to the oh-so-glorious olden days, with several factual flaws, the most notable being that Johnny Rotten wouldn’t be seen dead with flowers in his hair. The point being: had this song not existed within a viral fad, literally nobody would care. ![]() Initially a chart failure, ‘…Punk Rocker…’ found unexpected success when free spirit Sandi Thom did a “virtual tour”, whereby she performed gigs via webcam and streamed them online. What made it so bad : Cast your mind back to 2006, when you had to ask your parents to stop using the phone so you could connect to dial-up, and a time when webcams were a relatively new invention. Here are 20 of the worst: Sandi Thom, ‘I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair)’, 2006 But it also gave us some truly, unforgettably horrible songs. The ‘00s gave us brilliant things: Arctic Monkeys, The Wire, Spotify, the iPhone. ![]()
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